I wish I could be sad in a quiet and dignified way. An anaemic-looking girl huddled in the corner of a library kind of way. A person who looks as if they want to scream but dare not open their mouth in case they have unravelled entirely on the inside and if they do, their life will come spilling out, past their teeth, making a sad mess on their lovely shoes kind of way. A way that could never be eye to eye. Instead I will look at you wild-eyed and tell you that we need an adventure, we need a dream, a plan, a map of oceans and a fleet of ships to carry all of my baggage and all of your charms. A fleet of ships to sail on my waves of inexplicable nausea, to stop this sinking feeling, and to hold up my heavy heart, so it won't be another treasure buried in a chest at the bottom of the sea.
I don't tell you the things you want to know, I don't tell you anything at all, because words can lose all meaning if you think of them for far too long. I couldn't give you something meaningless, you mean too much to me. I am pinning my heart to you, my hopes, my stars. I think that you will keep them with you so that I don't casually throw them like confetti into the wind. Scattered and spinning, carried away on strangers shoes. Becoming lost mostly, I think. Lost.
